What Have I Become?

When I was preparing to come to England nearly two years ago, I was convinced that I wouldn't become one of those silly people who move somewhere and then come back to America and be all pretentious and use foreign slang. You know the ones I'm talking about. We've all met those guys who went to Chile on their missions and now insist on calling it Cheelay. I was bound and determined to resist the temptation to change, but sometimes it's just easier to give in. So without further ado, my dictionary of English words and phrases that I now use in a totally pretentious, American ex-pat way.

Posh: usually used for something nicer than you need

Toff: old-moneyed people and their interests; like polo and sailing

Fancy: to like/want something or someone; could be chocolate, could be a man

Bunk off: skip, as in work or school

Chav: we don't really have anything like it. They are the low class people who have loads of illegitimate children and live off the government. Their distinctive lifestyle and way of dressing are fodder for comedians everywhere.

Camp: another word we have no equivalent for. It's a man who is heterosexual but has all the markers and behaviors of a homosexual.

Knackered or shattered: completely exhausted

Bucketing down: pouring rain

Minger: someone who is REALLY ugly

Spots: zits

Scrotty: dirty, gross, smelly

Sort out: get everything taken care of

Crack on: keep going

Dodgy: we don't have a word like this one; it pretty much means something that's a bad idea, risky, unreliable, or chancy. It's a great one. I use it all the time now.

Well: used the way we'd use 'very.' "That movie was well scary."

Shrapnel: the little bits of change hanging out in your wallet

Blag:There are loads of ways to use this one: make something up as you go, usually because you forgot to do it; convince someone to give you something; convince someone that what you said it actually true

Broody: baby hungry

Coppers: one and two pence coins

Then there's all the words like trousers, mobile phone, rubbish, courgette, aubergine, and handbag that I hate using, but have to so people don't keep saying "In England we say _____." Sometimes discretion is the better part of valor. I promise I won't use them when I come back.